Life lately.

27.5.12

K, marah lah. Tahu, mmg lama tak post. But things just get harder lately. My exam just ended. Nope, not smoothly. Awal-awal lg dah bgtahu my parents, I'm not going to be on the stage pakai baju batik salam cium tangan pengetua for Anugerah Penghormatan. It's now my time duduk bawah pakai baju biasa sorak untuk budak-budak lain. No, it's not a doa ke, lacking of self-confidence ke apa, but I know how teruk my exam is.

For this semester, I struggled hard. I can't focus in class dengan kedudukan tempat duduk yg mmg sungguh tak selesa, dibebani dgn kerja bukan akademik, peer pressure, MENTALLY BULLIED, and now I know I can't withstand so many pressure without family by my side. Bila balik ni, dah let go every pain in my heart, baru rasa tenang. Again, now I know why I can survive bila duduk rumah eventho cabaran tak duduk asrama tu lagi besar. It's because I got my family with me. Despite all distractions from TV, Internet, keinginan nak berpakwe, menggonjeng all the time, tp bila duduk rumah spend time with family, rasa tenang tu datang.

Life's at TGB is really hard. Life can be mean, happy, depressing, stressful, pathetic, lonely, cheerful bila-bila masa je kat TGB. Sometimes you feel like you can do it, sometimes you feel like nak pindah tetibe. Everything can affect your mood. Homesick, homework yg byk sgt tak tahu mana satu nak buat dulu, bilik tak kemas, baju tak basuh lagi, kawan-kawan gurau tak kena tempat, tak berani nak luahkan kat crush, EVERYTHING. And yes, I'm totally not mentally prepared for all this.

I don't know how to face this upcoming semester. I don't know how to accept the fact that I'm not going to get 3.5+ pointer for this semester. I don't know how to react bila classmates dah tahu aku benci siapa and things keep getting obvious lately. I don't know how to help myself from crying bila cikgu nak ambush aku kenapa byk sgt homework tak hantar. I don't know how. Please, I don't. Seriously, I don't.

Things are getting hard and harsh. And I'm totally in the dark nak buat apa lps ni. And my target for this semester, kalau sem lepas target 3.4 sbb byk sgt main-main, text lelaki, rebut lelaki apa sume dan akhirnya dpt jugak 3.5 tu, kali ni aku target 3.2 je sbb byk main-main, tak fokus dlm class, not having the guts to fight for myself bila ada org buat bukan-bukan to me dan byk tak buat homework sbb tak fikir berkat cikgu tu penting dlm menuntut ilmu. Cross your fingers for me.

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