Gua pun ada perasaan jugak

Do you believe that...

18.3.12
1. I'm going back to maktab already?
Ya, kejap je lagi. Less than 3 hours. Serius senior year ni lagi membuatkan rasa nak pindah tu membuak-buak. Dengan result yg tak boleh nak dibanggakan langsung, study yg satu hape tak paham, alahai. Takpe lah. Nak seribu daya, tak nak seribu dalih. Me strong.

2. I didn't meet any of my former schoolmates this holiday?
Jyeah, lost contact terus. Dgn Ain pun takde jumpa. Cuma dgn Ain je lah keep in touch. Haha pape hal pun gue mesti report Ain. Lawak bukan? Bukan, tu pathetic namanya T_T

3. I went to my kampung last Friday?
Yes, I spend a night there with my family. No, I didn't cried till I reached home yesterday. Kalau Nyai tahu, dia mesti cakap " Gembeng ". Haha, gembeng tu kira mcm kuat nangis lah. Selalu dia pujuk suruh berhenti nangis, mcm tu lah. Kfine, ternangis pulak. Me strong.

Jap, tak lipat baju, tak gosok baju, tak pack barang. Haha mmg serius tak ready ni nak balik. Tanak jumpa Mr. Defender, ngehehe. Kbye.
Gua pun ada perasaan jugak

Katak.

16.3.12
Pernah tak dengar cerita pasal katak? Kfine, katak popular. Macam-macam dah cerita pasal katak en? But I find this one is very special and different. Cenggini cerita dia.

Ada seorang... katak! Ceh gotcha! Katak bukan orang :P Tak. Ada seorang petani ni. Sebelah rumah dia ada satu kolam. Dalam kolam tu ada ikan, ada rumpai air (?) dan ada katak. Tah lah, gue tak belajar Bio, so takde lah tahu sgt pasal ecosystem bagai ni, maaf. Dipendekkan cerita, petani ni, jap, tak best. Farmer, k, farmer. Farmer ni mcm fedap gila lah. Tiap-tiap hari mesti ada bunyi bising dari kolam tu. I mean, bunyi katak lah kan. Ikan berbunyi dah mcm cerita The Lorax pulak -.- So dia pun pergi bandar. Dia pergi sebuah restoran eksotik ni. Well, exotic. Mesti lah makan katak, ular, err tenggiling (?) dan sebagainya yg eksotik. Dia pun jumpa owner restaurant tu dan offer nak jual 500 katak kat dia. Owner tu mcm pelik, apahal byk sgt katak ni? Then farmer tu cakap, " Kat rumah saya tu bising sgt dgn bunyi katak. Esok saya akan datang dgn katak-katak tu. " Maka, mereka pun menandatangani kontrak jualbeli dan farmer tu pun balik.

Esoknya weh, owner tu tunggu farmer tu dtg. Tunggu punya tunggu, farmer tu pun dtg. Farmer tu masuk restaurant tu dgn tersengih-sengih. Kat tangan dia ada sebuah kotak. He handed the box to the owner. Owner tu pun buka kotak tu. Punya lah terkejut, ada 2 ekor katak je dlm kotak tu! Dia pun tanya, " Ha kau punya lah kerek semalam. Mana dia lagi 498 ekor? " Farmer tu dengan tersipu-sipu malunya menjawab, " Hee, aku ingatkan bising tu ada banyak. Rupanya 2 ekor ni yg buat bising selama ni. "

K, korg paham tak moral of the story ni? Mcm ni. Okay, let's imagine a situation where you are working very hard. Katakan lah, kau nak organise a farewell party for your class teacher. There'll be food ofc, singing performance, gifts etc. Penat-penat ni ha kau organise. Dah lah classmates bukan sume membantu. Ada yg buat bodoh, ada yg buat-buat mcm bukan sebahagian dari kelas. Mcm-mcm kerenah ada. Then ada la sorg, atau mungkin lebih makhluk yg mmg tak menyumbang apa-apa tapi boleh pulak bising-bising, mcm ni;

" Lagi berapa hari je nak buat majlis tu, baru takat ni usaha kau? "
" Ah kau. Kalau setakat buat kerja bad mood bagai, baik takyah buat. "
" Eh sesuai ke kita buat benda ni esok? Sorry lah lambat sumbang idea. Tapi mama kite cakap baik buat hari lain. "
" Betapa bersyukurnya aku bila benda ni dah habis. Takyah lah aku nak menghadap muka ________ (please fill in the blank with your name) tiap-tiap hari. "

Ha, bengang tak? My way to clear my mind from cakap-cakap org ni, is to recall the katak story above. Farmer tu bajet je ada 500 katak, padahal 2 ekor je. Tapi 2 ekor je pun dah boleh buat bising sampaikan dia marah. Relate lah dgn situasi kau. Bukan sume org pun yg bising-bising, kau dah nak down, nak marah? Baru 2,3 orang perlekehkan usaha kau, kau dah nak give up?

So, every time ada org bising-bising mcm tu, padahal kau tak duduk kat tempat aku, kau tak rasa betapa susahnya aku nak siapkan benda ni tanpa pertolongan ramai org especially KAU yg bising-bising tak tentu pasal tu, I bear in my mind, " Eleh, katak je tu. " and I smile. Lagi pun, innallaha ma'ana, kan? :) Allah tak tgk hasil, Allah tgk usaha.

To haters of mine,
dan mereka yg tak berguna nak kecil-kecilkan usaha aku demi korg,
KAU CUMA KATAK JE :P

Amek kau aku selongkar balik gambar Form 2 masa baru lepas clash :P
Kbye.
Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday #11

14.3.12
Events mahupun peristiwa yang sewaktu dengan saya

I just can't.

13.3.12
I want to write how do I feel about my one and only Nyai's death. But I just can't. I just don't have the heart to do so. Masa kat Maktab, everyday I cried. I received the news after balik dari surau perform Subuh, hari Selasa. Sampai Jumaat lah menangis mcm apa.

Kay, tetibe ada mood nak cerita. The story goes like this...

Pagi Selasa tu, lepas balik dari Surau, I checked my phone. Ada 4/5 miscalls from House. I was like, pehal doe call pagi-pagi mcm ni. Then ada satu text message from my sister. Simple benau ha dia tulis; " Akak, angkat phone. Nyai dah takde. " Alright, I wanna cried.

Then she called. I picked up my phone and we just cried. For quite a moment and then I asked her to take me home. Masa Nyai sakit dah tak boleh bangun, masuk wad apa sume, bukan Nur Musfirah Izzati yg jaga Nyai. Padahal ni lah cucu yg Nyai selalu banggakan kat sedara, org kg sume. That's why I wanna see her for the last time. But my parents tanak amek. Diorg cakap tak sempat sebab nak kebumikan pagi tu. And I was like... Nyaiii!

So jenazah Nyai selamat dikebumikan around 10 am. And I wasn't there. Sekarang ni, whenever my family talk about Nyai, I'd try to change the topic or I just leave them. I just can't accept the fact she's not here anymore. I just can't accept the fact that... I'll never got the chance to talk to her, to cuddle her, to kiss her upon her cheeks, to listen to her babblings and mumblings, to make her smile by telling her I scored again in my exam, to answer all her silly questions, to do everything we did way back before I entered Maktab.

She stayed with my family since I was born. Mom had to work so Nyai was the one that raised me, I can say that. When I was small, I was like yg tak takut org. So every time Nyai balik kg, I'll follow her. My other siblings tak boleh berenggang dgn parents, so mmg I'll be with her wherever she goes. Sampaikan org dah tahu dah kalau Nyai nak dtg, mesti bawak this little granddaughter of her.

I can still remember the excitement I felt way back when she finished sewing dresses she made specially for me. Everyone would ask me, " Lawanya gaun. Beli kat mana? " And proudly I'd answer, " Nyai buat. " with a big grin. I felt so beautiful during those days. She's the ultimate reason why I'd never feel insecure.

And she's also the toughest, strongest woman I ever met. When I was 13, Nyai jatuh tangga kat rumah kg. Jatuh bergoleh dari anak tangga third last sampai ke bawah. Kepala terhantuk kat anak tangga last. Masa tu dia nak amek wudhu, nak solat Asar. She was alone sbb my aunt pergi berubat kat mana ntah. Despite the fact yg kepala dia dah berdarah apa sume, dia bangun dan straight g amek wudhu. Dia sempat solat Asar dan lepas tu keluar rumah pergi panggil jiran sebelah suruh call my aunt. Dia tekap luka dia sendiri though habis dah satu kain tu penuh darah. And she was 85 at that time.

And now you tell me how can I face this? I refused to go back to her house kat kg. Masa kat Maktab, I planned to finish my one-week holiday kat kg. Nak spend time jaga Nyai. Masa tu rindu sgt kat Nyai. Dan sekarang she's gone. And now I'm pretending she's at kg, balik sekejap tgk rumah mcm biasa. Like usually she did bila dia dah rasa boring kat rumah kitorg. So kalau I go to her house there and she's not there, what else I should tell my heart, to believe that she's still here?

Al-Fatihah to Nyai;
Yah bt Siraj.


p/s: I'm drowning with tears. I don't have the heart to re-read this post, so I'm sorry kalau ada typo kat mana-mana. And I'm sorry I write too long after a month of so-called hiatus.
Events mahupun peristiwa yang sewaktu dengan saya

Berkabung.

9.3.12
Assalamualaikum. Atas pemergian nenek tercinta Selasa lepas, dengan ini saya berkabung sehingga Selasa depan. Mari sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepada arwah Yah bt. Siraj. Thanks.

p/s: This is my 200th post.