i am depressed.

12.5.18

a letter for a best friend.

28.4.16
hello.

i wrote this on a cold night. a very cold night that i need to put on my onesie. a night that was so cold i feel like crying. and every time i feel so, my mind just mischievously pictures you.  

how am i supposed to continue life without you? how should i? how could i?

all the joys we shared together-- will it be empty, hollow and meaningless? all the pain we divulged in our late night conversation-- will we ever find any other person to channel them? and our jokes, the lame ones especially-- will anyone else laugh at them as wholeheartedly as we do to each other?

what is the future of this friendship?

i will forever want to marry you. because it’s you. god sent me you for no other reason than to accompany me. to make me feel valued. to handle my annoying attitude because no other person could. but would you? would you want to marry me?

i know you well, my friend. too well. i would never, in a thousand years, achieve your love. i would always be underrated. i would never be included in your list for my ugliness, my mischief and my… everything. i will never deserve you.

i just couldn’t imagine you with another person living by your side. she would be very lucky to have you. and i would be very… sad? happy? both at the same time? sad, that i just lost my partner in crime. happy, that you are happy.

i would be very glad to end this friendship sooner. it would be better now than later. now that i don’t have to unwillingly leave you because of another person. now that you are all okay there, living fullest with your family and comrades. now that i will be least sad than later. less sad than this night, this very cold night that i secretly long for your words to linger around and keep me warm.
Pictures and videos

Seketul Musfirah yang telah berubah.

19.12.15
not. hahahahhaha. okay mungkin adalah sikit tapi aku masih lagi takleh bangun subuh by myself so don't marry me yet, hot guys. lol.

assalamualaikum, semua ehehehe. seperti biasa lah, saya akan menyapa (greet?) angin yang baru sahaja melewati muka saya ketika saya menaip ini dan menjadikan mukadimah setiap post panjang berjela padahal tiada makna yang signifikan. moving on...

well, i kinda miss my blog tho. i was quite busy during my 1st semester. em, kot. heh. okay la, busy la gak to adapt myself to the environment apa semua. and even busier during the 2nd sem! i carry a great responsibility now as the assistant to the head of dakwah and media bureau of ISMA (jangan la bash sis, sis baru berjinak2 ni huhuhu). and as always, the second half of the year is when i have big big trouble in love matters. i travelled a lot, btw. to melbourne in july, sydney in september and adelaide in november. phew.

Melbourne!!! (btw who took this picture eh why the M is cropped?! <-- amp="" at="" br="" girl="" ocd="" same="" the="" time="" ungrateful="">
UniSyd! Super love the architecture!
the one when we went crabbing but went home empty-handed haha. adelaide is still amazing tho *love*

i really, really wish i had the time to share my travel experience here tapi hmph. right now, i have a legit writing project. omaigod, my writing now is no more syok sendiri! chasing a real dateline now... *munch cookies* *go online for hours* *microsoft word is still blank* lol.

i hope that i can improve myself in many aspects next year. more importantly, in my ibadah. this year (not to brag eh), i managed to start practicing solat sunat rawatib hihi. tbh, my super duper rajin housemates kinda inspired me. so i started in ramadhan sebab got no syaiton right. and alhamdulillah, kalau tak buat sekarang, rasa pelik dan rugi. i hope next year i won't forget to recite ma'tsurat! hashtag stillyoungbutalreadynyanyuk

in the meantime, i wish you a wonderful year ahead! (sebab i will forget to update till 2016 >.<)

and i got myself a new camera!